Free thoughts - 4

Catch 22

Finding the depths of the ocean, limits of the skies, knowing oneself and our own depths of thinking are all possibly same.

Everyone wants to be seen...yet, I don't want anyone to see the real me.

Am I normal? Or I am in delusion that I am Normal.

Our life is like Catch 22, it looks solid from outside, but empty space inside. It's like the original use/definition of "Catch 22" in it's novel where, a soldier's Leave request can be accepted, if he proves himself to be mentally unfit!

How I want to be and how I live is also a Catch 22....I had told her then that I would protect her, take care of her all the time, now I am the one taken care all the time by her.

It's also like the visual illusion that the Tracks meet, but we know as a matter of fact that it will never meet. We know it will not meet, we also surely know it will end somewhere!

What do you do?

I have come across so many people who so passionately describe their work, their routine, stories, achievements at work. Their amorousness is visible as they light up with excitement, pride and zeal as they talk about their work.

If someone asks me "What do you do?", how much of enthusiasm do I have to respond. I can choose to be in the illusion that what I do matters, as 100s others are also trying to solve the same problem.

Most of us at this stage of our Career drift away from what we love to do, let go our passion, stop being the experts that we were, and our daily routine includes activities that we hate to do.

I can probably tell them "I Celebrate the Ups, Rue the Downs everyday".

I am pieces of my World

I am pieces of all the places I have visited, experiences of my travels, winds hitting my face on the mountain tops, sand stuck to my skin on the beaches, women I have loved, people from whom I have received affection, music I have listened, smell of the coffee in my mug, taste of the Single Malt in my glass, taste of the chocolate, gods I have prayed.

I am also the pieces of people I have hurt, remains of the bridges I have burnt, burden of the baggage I have carried, mountain of obligation I move, struggles of climbs and falls I have had, things I do that I hate.

Like how we say "Business As Usual", these are just "Life As Usual". Whether Life makes us, or we make Life, is an intertwined puzzle.

Realism

A feeling of being disconnected from reality,

Tired of this absurdity of restricted space and mind,

The realism seems artificial,

My perspective of life seems to be altered based on other's agenda,

My idea of reality of world, people, society around me seems to be moderated by other's propaganda.

Rationalism is replaced by perceived rationalism,

Logic is subjective,

Sometimes nothing makes sense, giving an impression that we all are living in an unconscious mind and in a dream world,

Few moments are strangely beautiful, few moments are weird.

Maybe we all are just contradicting ourselves with imagination, reality, absolute reality.

Weekend Friends

The notorious weekend traffic is probably because of the weekend life people live. The friendship, time for family are restricted to weekends only.

No time to love, no time to party on week days. People are becoming "Weekend Husband", "Weekend Friend".

The reaction says it all when someone asks you out on a Monday or a Wednesday - "On a Monday!? No way", "In the Middle of the week? Very difficult".

So much so that, a birthday, a anniversary, a success, an event is not celebrated on that day when it matters, but pushed to the upcoming weekend!

There is a time to play, there is a time to work, but there is no time to love. Balance is subjective:

I have seen two kinds - Those who dedicate their full day of weekdays to work, and never even think of work on weekends.

Second kind is someone like me who carries work wherever I go, but I go whenever I feel like going.

Mind Yappings

There's always noise in my head, There's always whispers in my head, The more I hate talking much, my mind is into constant yapping, The more I try to silence it, it only gets more cunning, Can anything/anyone silence my mind? When I realize mind is a Mercury, and it is stupidity to try and hold a mercury still. All these writings are those constant yappings of my mind.

Tears & water

Crying is an outburst, crying lightens,

Crying frees you,

Sometimes the whole body cries, but the eyes doesn't,

When the eyes cry, the tears could be light, but the feeling is heavier.

The value of water is realized not when the water flows, but when it doesn't flow when the tap is turned on.

Sorry!

"Ek Sorry ki keemat tum kya jano ramesh babu"

"Sorry itni baar bolo, jab thak dil se na nikle"

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"Your sorry is not enough"

In between the dots, are some half hearted sorries, ego filled sorries, emotional sorries, guilt ridden sorries, regret filled sorries, emabarassing sorries, an unapologetic sorry, a romantic sorry, an innocent sorry, a sorry to reconcile, a sorry to reconnect.

Our Stories

Each of us has stories to share. After love, money, health, probably Stories are the most important thing that we need in life, to share, care, laugh, cry.

Every memory, every moment we live, every event in our life becomes a story. We grew up listening to stories, we share our stories with the next generation.

Probably because we love Nostalgia. The stories are the byproduct of our Nostalgia. That old Hotel, that Dosa, that shop, DVG Road, MTR, our school, that talkies it's all about Nostalgia.

Though every generation feels they have lived in the best era, I genuinely feel ours was the best. We saw transitions, we lived two worlds, we saw change. Ambassador cars, Yamaha bikes, Camlin Pencils, Cassettes, Shutter TVs, DD channel, Roll Cameras, 90s Songs...everything is Nostalgia! And we have effortlessly adapted to Smartphones!