The conversations of a Perfectionist

THE CONVERSATIONS OF A PERFECTIONIST

You might know me,
you might not know me,
You might relate to me Partially,
I might be You,
I am the Perfectionist!

by

MURALI MURTHY

The Persona

Samarth is one such self proclaimed perfectionist. He believes he is intelligent, smart and a go getter.
He has this unabated self confidence to be able to carry himself well in any situation and can stand out in any group.
He vehemently argues and goes to any extent to prove his point and defend his arguments.

He preaches and advocates the need to have positive views on all aspects of life, that can make a difference to the way you see and experience things.

Samarth believes he has an edge with his effective communication skills, he vouches on his logical thinking ability.

Samarth always feels he is 10 feet above and 2 steps ahead of others. He believes in guiding and mentoring people on doing things the right away.
He stamps his authority in his messaging and tries to impose his thoughts on others.

Samarth credits himself of being perfect in what he does, knowing what he does and doesn't necessarily like advises.

Life and destiny

Sameera, his good friend believes that every action and events in life is controlled and designed by the almighty.

SAMR: "I Don't know if God exists, but I believe there is a creator or a superior force who controls everything. I would like to call that force - Nature"
SMRT: "I do not deny existence of God, infact I strongly believe that God exists in whatever form we fancy he exists. The point I disagree is on God deciding our destiny"
SAMR: "Ofcourse the Nature decides everything that you do, your destiny. Every action of yours are controlled and pre-decided."
SMRT: "Its not, I find this stance very naive and ignorant."
SAMR: "I have been through enough in life to realize that nothing is in our control, we are just puppets and act as per the nature's wishes. Things have happened right in front of me and I was helpless".
SMRT: "I firmly believe your actions are in your hands, and the results are based on your efforts. If you didn't get what you wanted, I simply believe you haven't put in enough efforts"
SAMR: "You are missing my point, I am saying I have experienced things and episodes in life where I stood helpless and a mute spectator. We humans have to accept what nature has decided to give us, and if we are destined to get something, it will come and fall in our lap without any efforts. And if we are don't deserve something, whatever you do and try, you will not even be close to your price"
SMRT: "I feel you are wasting the power of mind and intellect that we humans are blessed with. Ofcourse God created us, and he has also given us the required tools - mind, body and Intellect to lead our own lives. Dont expect him to spoon-feed and do things for you as well. We humans use those tools to plan our lives and destiny. If you are not using them and waiting for things to happen on its own, then there is no difference between you and Animals, who think they are born only to eat"
SAMR: "It's not that simple that you do something to get things, it is beyond you and me. You cannot go against the will of the nature to achieve something, if you are destined to"
SMRT: "We are to be blamed or praised for our destiny, we have to put in efforts to get what we need. If we don't get what we want, it only means we haven't put in enough efforts and worked in the right direction"
SAMR: "I have said what I have to say. You will remember my take on life, some day in future when things go beyond you and you will realize not everything is humanly possible"
SMRT: "I hope I don't see that day, as I always want to control my life and I want to be responsible for all actions and outcome. And I am not arguing on things that are bound to be determined by nature - Life & Death, I am referring to the way carry our life forward and what we make out of our life.".

Perfectionist Vs Perfectionist

When two great minds meet, they discuss ideas.
When two average minds meet, they discuss events.
When two small minds meet, they discuss people.

Srini and Samarth have been friends for over 22 years now. Both share similar ambitions, passion in life. They both feel they have it in them to get what they want in life.
Srini especially, not only believes that he is capable of making it big soon, but he is confident about it.
They both help each other, and believe they belong to the same league, and their problems cannot be understood by anyone else.

They even plan to spend their retired life together. Their dream is to build two farm houses next to each other in a joint Plantation property.
Spend old age amidst calmness and tranquil of green and simple living. And they plan to meet and talk politics, economy with 2 glasses of single malt every evening.

This affinity however does not stop them having different opinions, disagreements and contrary viewpoints. After all, Both are perfectionists!

Their conversations generally end up in war of words.
All sane conflicting arguments ends with "Let's agree to disagree" but for Srini and Samarth its always "Let's agree to disagree that you are right".

They have acute differences in their views on Politics, Ideology, Hindutva, Secularism, Religious Practices and these are the common subjects they constantly bicker on.

Disclaimer: It is a conscious decision to skip the conversations on the above sensitive subjects in this book.

Not all conversations and topics are vexatious though.

SRINI: "Do you regret anything / any decision in life? If you are given a wish to go back to any point in time and also allowed to Undo, what would that be?"
SMRT: "You go first"
SRINI: "I asked you the question, so you answer first.."
SMRT: "Alright...well..hmmmmm....to be frank I don't regret anything in life nor any decisions I have made so far."
SRINI: "Really??"
SMRT: "Yes, I believe that I would have done things same way because I am still the same person. I don't think I have taken any wrong decisions for myself or decisions that has harmed anyone."
SRINI: "Your decisions might not have harmed yourself or others, But don't you feel you can do better what you had done say 10 years ago with enhanced intellect and ability now?"
SMRT: "If you are talking about what I did 10 years ago, I would have done it based on my ability at that given point. So if I am allowed to go back in time, I would still do the same as I am still the same person. So, logically it is wrong to assume if I go back in time, I will be a different person"
SRINI: "Logically it is still correct, because if you are going back in time, you are just travelling back in time, but with the current Samarth's ability"
SMRT: "I still have nothing to change or Undo. I have done everything to the best of my ability at those given point of time. Ofcourse, things could have been better, I could have achieved certain things, but if haven't achieved them, I simply don't deserved them and I don't regret for anything"
SRINI: "Hmm...Sounds too modest to believe"
SMRT: "Well, that's me..what about you?"
SRINI: "I only wished I had studied well during the college days. I know I could have done much better in studies, and I wish I had focused more on adding more post graduations and Masters to my armory. That would have changed so many things in life. Probably I would not even be sitting here talking to you, and would have found myself settled in the Bay area in US or in London"

They both have certain unique and common observations; while everyone else are busy watching the arguments on a very serious political situation on TV channels, these two have different opinion on the same TV Program:
SRINI: "You saw PJ the anchor on the program? She looks stunning"
SMRT: "Hmmm...she is ok...but I like NR than PJ"
SRINI: "NR is ok, but I don't like her views which are one sided, I don't find her Intelligent also"
SMRT: "Who is bothered about her views...just look at her, she is so charming"
SRINI: "PJ is a half biassed, Very Practical, beautiful , spinster. Both have similar physical features, PJ is better though"
SMRT: "Somehow short hairs are let down for me...Probably that's why I don't like PJ"
SRINI: "But NR also has short hairs.. I observed today that she has trimmed it. PJ has a good cut"
SMRT: "Yeah..its sad...of late it's getting shorter. NR has sharp features and is attractive."
SRINI: "Her nose is quite thick and she has started showing signs of ageing"

Men will be Men!

Views of Christine

Christine is an independent, successful, confident and self motivated woman. Christine and Samarth worked together for some time, before she moved to Dubai after marriage. They both are still in touch and call to wish each other on their Birthdays, as they both share the same birth date.

CHRST: "Hey, Happy birthday!"
SMRT: "Haha...Hey, wish u too a happy birthday"
CHRST: "How r u? Howz work"
SMRT: "Good, work is as usual hectic.."
CHRST: "hmmm"
SMRT: "Whatsup with you, how are you celebrating your birthday?"
CHRST: "Same here, very busy, stuck with deadlines, not sure if I can reach home early for any celebration. How is Meera?"
SMRT: "She is good, she is having her periods and time for her to relax. She is happily resting in the room, and my mom is doing all the work, and taking care of her"
CHRST: "Is she ok?"
SMRT: "Yes, she is absolutely fine, just that she is having her periods and not allowed to move out of her room"
CHRST: "What?? Why??"
SMRT: "I thought you knew. In our community, women during their periods are not supposed move around and kinda sit tight in their room"
CHRST: "Yeah, I know that...but you too practice such primitive things??"
SMRT: "I know, am personally not in favour. But Meera is fine with it and doesn't complain, so I don't have a take on it"
CHRST: "Nonsense, poor Meera is being ill-treated and becomes untouchable just because she has periods? It's just a natural thing for a woman, why do you have to treat her like that?"
SMRT: "What is ill-treatment here? Meera herself doesn't have a problem, infact she is happy because she get to rest and day off from doing household work."
CHRST: "I am aghast that such unscientific practices are still there, educated people like you still follow such crude things, It's so disrespectful to a woman's dignity."
SMRT: "It's a tradition followed since ages and when you have elders at home with traditional mindset, there is absolutely no harm in doing such small things that can keep them happy"
CHRST: "You can't force such traditional and rudimentary customs, especially on women who are already suppressed by society"
SMRT: "Hold your horses. No one is suppressing her freedom or putting her down or even forcing upon anything that is bad for her. Why do you assume all traditions are offensive?"
CHRST: "It is unacceptable. Just because she is having her periods, you cannot dump her in a corner, not touch her and say she is dirty!"
SMRT: "Again, you have wrong notion, its done for her own good. Just because its a tradition Practiced since centuries, doesn't make it illogical and unscientific. This practice has care, concern, science and respect for a woman. A woman goes through biological changes with physical pain, so it is best for her to rest, not indulge in any household work"
CHRST: "It must be so insulting for Meera that the whole world knows that she is having her periods, and you are defending it! Huh!"
SMRT: "I will defend it, because it is not causing any harm to anyone, in fact helping her. Your problem is not if it's logical or scientific, but just because it's an age old tradition, you assume it's wrong. Every tradition or practice will have some or the other meaning and sense to it. Each culture, community will have its own beliefs and must be respected."
CHRST: "Not necessary that every belief and practice is correct, and it sure definitely not become a habit."
SMRT: "That's your perspective. For Ex: Your habit of eating Animals, I find it obnoxious."
CHRST: "We don't eat every animal! And animals we eat are farmed, that are raised only to be eaten"
SMRT: "Haha...how insane...just because you farm, they don't deserve to be eaten. Even if you farm and raise, it will still grow as an Animal. Now this hypocrisy, you find this human and a harmless practice is inhuman"
CHRST: "There is something called as food chain, Hope you know that"
SMRT: "Then there is no difference between you and Animal. You have brains, you can make decisions what is right and what is wrong. Why do you have to kill a poor animal, just to fill your stomach?"
CHRST: "Do you think plants you eat has no life? That's also living organism"
SMRT: "That's the most stupid argument what every non veggies make. Plants have life but they don't have senses, they don't have feelings. As plants don't have a nervous system, they don't feel the pain. So scientifically, logically I am not hurting the plant."

Infidelity

During their usual Annual vacation to India, Shiv and Dipti visited from US; both the couples met for a leisurely lunch at a resort. All 4 of them are quite close and can discuss on any topic, without much inhibitions. Dipti mentioned about an Indian couple whom they know for a long time in US and how the husband is cheating on his wife, by openly having an affair with another woman.

SMRT: "Hmm..what does the wife say?"
DIPTI: "She is a fool, she has accepted her husband's affair and is strangely fine with it"
SMRT: "Ok, but have the two women met?"
DIPTI: "Yes, they have met many times and both the ladies are friendly too, that man has manipulated his wife"
SMRT: "Has she?"
DIPTI: "Yes, that innocent girl whom I also know very well, says she is ok with it, as long her husband takes care of her and doesn't leave her"
SMRT: "What's that guy's relation with that other woman?"
DIPTI: "They both are in love with each other, despite being married to another person. Both are cheating and a clear case of Infidelity."
SMRT: "Does he want to leave his wife and marry that woman?"
DIPTI: "No, neither him nor that woman wish to come out of their respective marriages, but still want to have this relation. So unfaithful...huh!"
SMRT: "I don't see anyone cheating here, and judging it as a case of Infidelity is wrong."
DIPTI: "How so? He is clearly cheating his wife!!"
SMRT: "It will be considered cheating if he secretly has an affair, and hides it from his wife. The wife must have reasons to be fine with her husband's relation."
DIPTI: "What reasons a wife might have to let husbands go loose?? She is just being fooled"
SMRT: "Why do you assume that she is a fool to accept this relation? She must be genuinely ok with the relation. If all three are fine with this arrangement, and when no one is being cheated or hurt, why give such a bad name - Infidelity!?"
DIPTI: "Which normal woman can accept such a thing? I wouldn't accept, am sure no other sane women will be fine with it"
SMRT: "Again, why do you assume if you can't accept, no one else can accept? Why should it be a social stigma, just because it is not accepted by you and many you know?"
DIPTI: "It is a stigma...it is morally not correct"
SMRT: "Morality is subjective, if the majority says wrong is right, it will become right. It's just perspectives. You must respect the wife's decision, she must be ok with it as her husband is happy with both women in his life. There are people who follow Polyamory and Polyandry."
DIPTI: "Seriously?"
SMRT: "Yes, you are just unaware...Ofcourse its Taboo and not accepted as normal in the society. So is Homosexuality..just because you don't like it, it doesn't mean Gays don't exist...so is Polyandry and Polyamory. Lot of people practice and live such life. An Individual in consent with the partner, is in another relation."
DIPTI: "I don't know, its difficult to absorb"
SMRT: "It is difficult, as its a Taboo and a social stigma. But we should acknowledge such relations and emotions exist and respect their way of life"

Perceptions

I come across many such Individuals like Samarth, whom I would like to call them - "Perfectionists".
I myself am not too far from being called one.
These are the guys who have confidence, they are smart but not much success in life to boast of, yet have all the attitude and ability to become successful one day.

They have audacity to consider themselves the best with an attitude "I know everything, I make the right decisions and my thinking is always right".
They take failures also differently; they don't blame themselves or the situation for the mistake or failure, but just believe they tried their best but didn't work.
They look down on others, yet want to help and educate others on doing the right things.

They don't generally idolize people around them, their peers or their immediate superiors.
Their idols are usually 100 times more successful than them.

Some might term them bogus, overconfident, having bad attitude and they might indeed be provoking, But come to think of it:
- Are these the kind of people who have more probability of being successful?
- Is being open about their ideas and having unconventional thoughts & ideas, considered over smart?
- Is considering oneself superior, the best way to attain self esteem?
- Will bowing down to the norms of society without having own perception, be considered rational?
- Is it bad ego to have undeterred trust and respect on self?

- MURALI MURTHY