Past Glory

PAST GLORY

BY

MURALI MURTHY

Each of us admire and look upon our parents and the older generation. We Love the septagenarians, octagenarians, nanoagenarians around us, we have grown up amidst them, learnt from them all along.

We respect, appreciate and get inspired by their struggles, their stories, their life and successes.

We learn from everything they do and say - be it morality, ethics, principles, discipline, simplicity, austerity, care and affection.

We learn from their respect to society, culture, tradition.

In the same breath, We also learn "how not to be" when we get old.

The Whining, expectations, temperament, ego needs to tone down as we age. Sooner we realize our time is fading, We need to adapt to situations and accept the way life changes.

The emotional, physical and financial dependency is bound to be the norm, and accepting to be dependent should makes sense.

Being grumpy, being agitated, irritated and angry with everything and everyone is uncalled for and certainly pisses off the one taking care.

Sooner we realize it is time for us to relax and enjoy fruits of the struggles we have lived all our lives, will only make things easy.

I see old timers being fussy and agonize in any given situation. We all have seen examples of seniors in various circumstances:

- Children stay with them

- Children stay abroad/away and still be in touch on Video Calls

- Conflict with children and they stay apart

- A working Daughter in law

- A home maker Daughter in law

- Have grand children

- No grand children

The old timers are capable to be fussy with any of the above scenarios. Differentiating between daughter and daughter in law or giving gifts/snacks only to Son hiding it from daughter in law, are some of the distasteful acts that we can see around which could really spoil the harmony. They always praise and compare other family configurations. Grass always looks greener on the other side.

End of the day, as we get old it's just you and your spouse who are for each other. By then, the relation should have matured so much that the lack of intimacy, romance should be overcome and should be replaced with a much deeper sense of belonging.

I see old couples still not arriving at the required understanding, effective communication and still fretting over petty issues and carrying the baggages even at such age.

Being independent, and on top of the game for decades and sudden change in the control they had, will put anyone down. The only solution is to accept the ways of life and old age scenarios should be the way forward.

An idle mind is a devil's workshop. As we age, let's cultivate interests, habits, hobbies to keep ourselves engaged and occupied. 

When life was never an ideal world our entire life, why should we expect things to be ideal as we age.

It is ok to be dependant on others, that's how things are. It's time for younger ones to take care of parents, as they took care of us. It is completely normal and fine. There's nothing to be ashamed of, embarrassed about.

The most common complex of an old timer is a feeling of not being useful anymore and being a burden.

As children, we were not useful most of our life, did they abandon us or did they see it that way. It's the relation, being there, family support and the presence that makes the family complete and no one is expecting seniors at home to be slogging all day.

The respect from others, the ones caring is commanded based on how we conduct as oldies.

The older generation seems to be stuck with values and rules that no longer is relevant and the expectation from the younger breed to lead a saintly life.

As the children grow up, build their own life, expand the family, it is but natural to have other priorities. It is how the seniors see this change. The children are not going away from them nor abandoning them, the complications start once they start thinking they are losing control, or it's a competition with new family members. When the son marries and gets home a wife, he is in love with her, has dreams of building a beautiful life together. It only makes sense for the Seniors to also accept the daughter in law with love and belonging, which solves majority of the issues.

When the offsprings bloom, face the new challenges of their lives, the elders should be the Support structure and outlet. It would be counterproductive if they continue their husband-wife fights, conflicts and issues.

As we get old, realising that the best way to be happy is to be with your spouse, atleast as long as we are together. Let's try to be happy, not get angry with Petty things, understanding and helping each other. It's so easy to find faults with each other, with everything around, with children, daughter in law. But imagine the scene when everything is forgiven, everything that I don't like be ignored with a smile and be thankful and grateful for every happy, healthy day we spend!

As we are next in line to be called as Oldies, let's be a loving and cute old couple, let's accept helplessness as our new normal. Let's be understanding and ooze so much love and affection on everyone around that we don't feel left out or ignored. Let's not fret, let's not whine, let's not get angry at all, let's keep smiling all the time and let's set the expectations low.

Let the past glory not beat us down but be a strength to carry on to face whatever life throws at us.