The Funnier Side - Part 3

Husband's Dare

Not always a response should be in words, the look on your wife's face and that expression says everything. What happens next is anybody's guess:

Hey, I am going out with my friends tonight.

Sorry, forgot to tell you, I finished my dinner, had a party in the office.

I don't want to come to the function, your relatives irritate me.

Oh this colleague of mine is so funny, she is smart and her dressing sense is so amazing.

Wow, what a dinner, his wife is such a good cook right? I have never tasted such a delicious homely food till date.

How long are you taking to get ready? As if....nothing, please get ready fast!

Your friend is so charming, good looking and successful in her career. Her husband is so lucky!

It's a difficult month for me financially, we need to be conservative, you need to cut down on your expenses.

Who is it?

You are the colour in my black and white life,

You are the green patch in my parched life,

You are the water in my river,

You are the cartridge in my printer,

You are the oxygen in the air,

You are my guroor, you are my cahoot,

You are the uppinkai for my Mosranna.

There was no life before you, there is no life after you.

Who is it? Is it a friend of mine? Is it the love of my life? Is it my wife? Is it you, Krishna?

The jinxed me

I feel I am jinxed in many things in life.

I sit around a Campfire, and the smoke follows me wherever I circle around.

I stop at an ordinary Hotel along the Highway for lunch, after failing to find a decent place for a very long time. Soon after I hit the Highway again, within 5 minutes I find a very good Restaurant.

I sit and watch a Cricket Match and the team I support lose. I happen to be busy and missed watching a match, that will turn out to be very exciting and entertaining match.

It's cloudy outside, I decide to take the Car even for nearby outing and it just does not rain. But if I decide to take my Bike, it will pour down so badly that I can't even get back home from the Road Corner.

Are you jinxed as well?

The strange married couple

We married couples are strange creatures. Contradicting, contrasting, differences, yet miraculously co-exist and love each other.

If one is a morning person, other is a night owl.

If one starts snoring the second they hit the bed, the other just does not get sleep.

If one likes beaches, other likes hills.

If one likes Coffee, the other loves Tea.

If one likes yelling, shouting and taking it out, other believes in the silent treatment.

If one is opinionated about everything, other doesn't have any opinion on anything.

If one is sentimental and emotional, other is practical and logical.

If one can take secrets to the grave, other cannot spend an hour without secretly telling the secret to someone.

You can always find a couple, with one having back problems, other having stomach problem.

One has a headache, another's back always itches.

The Pause

Name of the person you very well know and it's there at the edge of the tongue, yet you just can't get it out. The Name you just know it, but it just does not come out.

That awkward moment, that embarrassing pause that you take as you feel your brain has frozen and feel stuck.

In that moment of aaaaaaa, mmmmmm, you are trying all tricks in the book prompting the other person with series of questions helping you to remember that Name.

This happens to me many times, and it is damn upsetting. Not only with names, I want to say something, and I just can't remember it. Many a times, I call a friend to say something but when the topic gets digressed, and the other person asks "What's that you wanted to tell me?".

"Oh shit...I am just not able to remember, let me call you back when I remember".

I am in full flow in a conversation, and suddenly a thought just refuses to come out of my mind.

Sometimes it worries me if I am being forgetful. My smart wife has learnt to do the guess work when I tell her "this one....aaaaaa, what's that?" And she gives me all relevant options in the context.

Looks like we can't trust our own memory!

This temporary, sudden memory lapses, does it happen to you as well?

Tell me a joke

An ailing old lady on a hospital bed was attended by a doctor "Don't worry ajji, you will be fine. We will take good care of you here."

The old lady kept staring at the Doctor, the doctor asked her "Is there anything that you want to ask me?"

"Can you tell me a joke?"

"What?"

"Yes, you said I can ask you anything...I am asking you to tell me a joke"

The doctor thought for a minute, but he just could not remember a single joke...he turned to his Junior Doctor, but he was also totally blank!

The doctor promised the old lady that he would come back to her soon with a good joke.

How many of us are equipped with jokes? Can you make someone smile, someone laugh?

I want to learn and memorize as many jokes as possible and rise up in any group, in any situation "Hey, can I tell you a joke!?"

Can this be made a trend, for each of us to learn as many jokes as possible?

Now tell me joke.

Sunday mood

I see a sofa, I dump myself on it.

I see a chair, I climb on it.

I see a bed, I throw myself on it,

This is my routine on a Sunday...I transform into a Hippopotamus on Sundays. The feeling of solitude, the feeling of not in a mood for anything, the feeling of not doing anything, I feel lethargy in every part of my body.

The best part of a Sunday, is the Saturday evening, knowing next day is Sunday.

The worst part of a Sunday, is the Sunday evening, knowing next day is a Monday.

All household works are pushed to next weekend. I feel sorry for the women folks as their routine is no different than weekdays, as they continue to run around, and get even more busier on Sundays. They just get more irritated seeing men lying idle, hogging on to the food they prepare, running one hand on that big tummy, and the other hand scratching the butts.

And icing on the cake, no work related calls. Even if that rare call comes, you can have the liberty to not answer the call, assuming that they will assume you are having a busy family time.

Social Media - The Bottomless Bowl

"You are always on Instagram or Youtube!"

"Look who is talking, I always see you on the bed or in the Toilet for hours hooked on to Insta/FB"

"That's the only time I open the Apps, but you don't leave any opportunity to open the App and keep scrolling"

"You say you are always busy at work, but you keep forwarding Reels all the time, to all the groups"

And the eternal arguments, justifications continue amongst every couple, between parents and kids, between siblings, at every home.

Each of us keep defending our Screen time and blaming the other to be an addict.

Even Aza Raskin, the inventor of Infinite Scrolling has said sorry that his invention is making people addicts and sad.

Social Media Apps are indeed a bottomless bowl!

Free Thoughts -1

Captain of my ship

I am the captain of my Ship, it's my playground. I navigate my ship through high tides and sail through with full wings when tides are low. I keep navigating through uncharted waters, not only to learn new skills on the go, but to master them and command the ship crew.

I permit myself to rule my world, I allow myself to show I belong to a different league, I approve myself to exhibit my prowess.

It is both my choice, and out of no choice that I am the king here. If not me, then who?

With experience comes expertise, with education comes knowledge, with intelligence comes power, with power comes responsibilities. As a Captain, all I have to do is strive to use 100% of my brain every time, all the time, just to keep the ship afloat.

The problem however is not with the expectations, because you know you are built to bear the brunt, but the point you reach "I don't want to do it anymore, rather than I can't do it anymore".

Those Days

Those days, those days,

Happier days, golden days, good old days,

We used to decide our pace, and at our place,

Never got into other's space,

Ugh, these days!

Nowadays, It's sideways, things strays,

Craze, everything is sleaze, everywhere is Haze.

This nostalgia about childhood memories & our growing years, the happy smell of old stuff, this satisfying liking of every building, road, locality, people, adda, hotel from those days, has probably got to do with the closed society, nativity of those days.

We all spoke same language, shared same life principles, morals & common acceptance of social norms.

Now, everything feels strange, foreign.

The delight & smile on the face when we meet someone speaking our language in a foreign country, is experienced in my own city these days!

So much so, that a National party yesterday announced list of candidates to fight elections in my state. It was decided and announced by people who couldn't even pronounce the names of either the candidates or the places!

Whispers

Whispering is a world within, it's a place to gain access to your inner feelings, to connect with yourself. Whispers gives me immediate feedback on a situation, it helps me judge the situation, people. It doesn't minse words and openly tells me, even when I did a blunder "You are such an idiot".

I keep getting these Whispers all the time...Maybe these are the Whispers that I write everyday.

Do you whisper with your inner self?

I am at that point in life, where I am wondering at what point of life I am at!?

I am a Hero to someone, but do they deserve my Heroism?

Is saying yes to everything, being flexible? Is taking a position & objective, being rigid?

Is arguing with a fanatic who is blind in belief and illusion, stupidity? If we stay away from arguing/countering, who will tell them things are wrong?

Poor guy, he is tired, he needs a break, he need a vacation, he needs a massage, he needs to relax, he needs to party, he needs to go on a drive, he needs lot of money and retire, he is Me.

Come Home O Little Bird

Long time ago there were beautiful, lovely birds at home. Now they are gone. Do you guys know where they have gone?

I am looking for them everywhere....I only request them to come back home, world is cruel, am worried if they will survive in this concrete jungle.

Come home O little Bird, I am worried if you can fly, so high. If your wings are strong enough to flutter hard and far. If your beak is sharp enough to fight out dangers.

Am I being worried unnecessarily? Are birds supposed to be free? Is world a better place when all birds fly out of their Nest, and fly freely in the skies, make music with their chirping on trees?

Granny in me

Everyone finds and feels a child in them very often. But anyone feels a Granny inside them?

Do we have to grow a child in us? And Granny grows on her own in us?

We need to nurture the child in us, to keep it in us. We don't even realize a Granny is inside us as well, who starts showing up and growing up quickly.

We don't recollect when we have started acting like our parents: being philosophical, advising everyone, telling stories of our childhood. Feeling nostalgic about everything, telling the millennials how our times were best!

When we stop feeling ashamed to Fart, when you start visiting Udupi more than Goa, when your first choice of travel is Train, than a Car Drive.

I am me, you are you

If I were you..

If I was in your position..

Putting myself in your shoe..

If I were the PM of the country..

If I had more money..

If I had the power to..

If I was a woman..

If I had what you had..

If they hadn't won...

If they hadn't lost..

I am not you, I can't be you, It is what it is.

Hale Vaasane

The Pain of missing someone, Pain of losing someone, after sometime one seem to kind of savouring the feeling.

It's an incredible feeling where one keeps living in the memories, the emptiness, loneliness that is deep in the soul, vaccum that person created, after sometime you start liking the feeling, the zone one will be missing that person.

Ofcourse life moves on, more people come into your life, you get busy with life and the hurt is no more shown on the face, good things in life makes you happier and busier.

Yet, you don't want to let go the pain, but safely bury them deep within. The magic of the pain is so strong that it can be retrieved at will and can be experienced whenever the pain is missed.

It's like a locked folder, whenever you wish to revisit, unlock and view the folder.

This cycle of burying and retrieving can be done as long as one wishes to, even for decades.

But the day you decide to end it, pufff.. it's gone! But most of us don't want to let it go!

How far do you keep that eraser (that can erase the memories) from yourself?

#haLevaasane #oldsmell