The unsatisfied soul

The unsatisfied soul 

By

Murali Murthy

This dialogue from the Movie 96 has been lingering in my head for a very long time "You asked me if I am Happy...there are no problems in particular, more than saying I am happy, I can say I have peace of mind, I am content".

During a long, relaxing conversation with Preeti in our recent "us time", her thought process gave me a closure on this dialogue that was stuck for a long time.

Our conversation was more of an introspection on how I see life.

Her clarity in thoughts, clarity in simple expectations from life is worth the mention. Even Preeti echoed Jahnu's (from the movie 96) way of thinking, as she shared "I am extremely Happy and feel blessed. I find happiness in every small pleasures of life, I feel blessed with every small comfort we have at home, I feel happy and blessed that we are able to do such outings regularly".

"While I am living this moment, in this beautiful setup, with you, you are worried about a lot of other things...you are checking your messages, mails and opening the Laptop regularly"

"While I’m truly thankful and grateful that you made this happen despite your work and other constraints, you are in such a sorry state that you don't want to acknowledge my gratitude"

"What is there to be appreciative about?"

"You don't know how lucky we are to be able to do this, not many can do...we have come to such a beautiful place, you have taken efforts to arrange things"

"It's really not a great thing, it's just that if we have to do something, it has to be done in certain way. Ensuring things we do to be perfect, should be normal, not an achievement"

"Those small appreciations, that simple Thanks makes us happy, and that's the reward"

"Why do you expect appreciation for everything? For me, the benchmark should be to do things right, even if it's daily cooking you do, the daily work I do, or absolutely anything that we do...doing things right cannot be celebrated or appreciated, then there is no value for appreciation or thanks. If you cook something extraordinary, it deserves acknowledgement, if my Employees do something great at work, it deserves praise, not the routine done correct"

"Still, a little appreciation, a thanks, a sorry, will do wonders...that's what happiness is, in such little things"

"You are not Happy with anything...tell me, what makes you happy?"

And this is where I lost the conversation. I just didn't know what one thing makes me happy. What is that aspiration, aim, goal that I strive to achieve. Forget the big things, I realized I don't acknowledge smaller joys of life.

Probably the fact that, over the last few years, I have unintentionally become critical by nature. I tend to question, I tend to seek, I tend to get irritated, frustrated with everything, I might have forgotten to appreciate the small, fleeting moments of everyday happiness that I might have taken for granted.

There is no denial that we are schooled, we are influenced, we are affected by the surroundings.

Is it then I am living behind closed doors?

Is casting a shadow of doubt, an invitation to kindle the inner thoughts, the inner light OR an invitation to spoil our peace?