The Funnier Side

A Collective of Write-ups on the funnier side of how I see things and people.

By

Murali Murthy

The monstrous corners

In a hurry to head out, getting ready, she gets hit by the corner of the bed and she sits down holding her knee.

Be it the dressing table edges, Bed corners, she just walks into it repeatedly and get hit.

That's my wife!

And I stumble my toes to door corners and sofa corners frequently. 

You all have been hit by these monstrous corners, haven't you?

That moment....It's as if a lightning has jolted you.

What is that first thing you feel when your knee or leg bone or toe is hit by the wicked furniture corners?

Its Anger!! Your face becomes red, you feel genuine anger from deep inside, you are furious at yourself and on the Bed..as the anger subsides in a few seconds, then the Pain takes over, you then feel like a dumb idiot!

Each time I get hit, I seriously plan to cushion those murderous corners with foam!

Yet, we don't seem to learn, we still keep getting hit by the same bed, door edges!

Always in the same place!!

Lizard Nightmares

Her eyes wide open frightened, her forehead sweats as she jumps and stands on the chair, with her hands shivering and screaming my name.

As I run to her panicked and see what she sees, I laugh, I pity her and calm her down, as I realize my wife just had a sighting of yet another Lizard at home!

Not that I am brave nor that I don't get scared. But seeing her so scared each time, as she insists not to enter the room until the Lizard is gotten rid of, I had no choice but to be the braver one and muster courage, with help of my dad to get rid of the Lizard each time.

And this same lady mercilessly kills the cockroaches with anything that she can get a hand on.

We know Lizards are not harmful in any possible way, still we all are so scared of this tiny reptile. Reptiles itself in general are scary.

I know many who are scared for their life and hate the sight of cockroaches.

Are you also scared of Lizards or Cockroaches? What's your worst nightmare?

How are you?

When people greet each other, the most insincere, dummy and pseudo question we ask "How are you?".

It sometimes drives me crazy, it's so boring, it's so overused that I feel they are not even expecting a response.

It's become a formality and an obligation to make this your opening line when you meet friends, family, professional connects.

The one asking doesn't really care much if you say "I am ok / I am good / I am fine". And when you get a call from that irritating person, feel like saying "All was well until you called"!!

It's a different context if you meet someone in pain, grieving, unwell, sick and the question makes sense.

What on earth would a sales guy/girl selling Insurance and Loans, care how am I? What do I answer those unknown callers?

Try asking "How are you" to an oldie and you will regret asking the question, as they take it literally and start complaining all possible issues and end with "Don't know why I am still alive"!!

And even most insignificant, inconsequential question "What's up?", when you already know the response "Nothing much".

Testament

Only you know yourself better than anyone else. Can you stand as a testament to yourself? Let's test your testament!

To all the Ladies:

Would you choose a bride for your Son, who is exactly like you?

Would you choose a groom for your daughter, who is exactly like your husband?

To all the Men:

Would you choose a groom for your Daughter, who is exactly like you?

Would you choose a bride for your Son, who is exactly like your wife?

Cousins

A large part of some of my best childhood memories surely includes the time spent with my Cousins.

Cousins are our first playmates and as we grow up, they become our confidants and a default lifelong Friend.

We gossip about family politics, and can talk endlessly like best pals.

I have had many "once very close" friends during school and college days, and if we catch up after few years, we would have lost that magnet, there will be awkward moments as we will be wondering what to talk.

That doesn't happen with a Cousin! even if we met them after decades, the deep rooted bond makes it so easy to catch up and laugh along.

Today morning when my Mom met her cousins after literally a decade, who are all in their 70s, were so happily reliving their old memories and shared beautiful incidents and stories of how they grew up together. It's engrained in their memories and that glow and happiness was visible when they shared 50 years old incidents and stories.

All the old men and women for a moment, forgot their age and I could see them blushing and laughing through their toothless smiles.

Cousins definitely bring in the child in us alive!

"Cold" Killer

Catching Cold, is the most dreadful and harrowing illness one experiences, unfortunately quite regularly.

I feel, Cold is the most heartless and emotionless ailment. It just puts you down, you feel disconnected from the world, you want to live in isolation, solitude.

It makes you irritated, agitated, moody yet wanting to be caressed, cared and loved during those annoying days.

You feel like chopping off your nose!

The running nose, sneezes, loss of taste and smell just..aaaargh..and the Meds for cold makes you feel so drowzy, yet you can't sleep. The nose blocks, mouth dried up, making it impossible to sleep!

Rubbing Vicks so many times, makes your nose oily.

But still the pleasure of releasing that loud sneeze as your nose clears out, is so priceless and satisfying!!

Feeling Manipulated

An old Man driving an old Omni Van in front of my car, in the middle of thick traffic at Gorguntepalya junction.

As the traffic started to crawl ahead, the Van started to roll back the road and just a Kiss away from my Car.

I started honking madly hoping he would apply breaks or move ahead, but the Van continued to roll back and eventually hit my Car front.

I quickly reversed my Car a little, and the Van continued to roll back and hit me again. The two wheeler guy next to me smirked at my situation.

I managed to reverse and move sideways and came next to him.

I was furious and all set to yell at that man, as I rolled down my window glass, as I peeped out my head, the old man with a smiling face asked me "Don't you have Breaks on your Car?".

I was like "What!?", He continued with his smiling face "You came and bumped me from behind, be careful" and drove away at a snail's pace.

My anger turned to confusion..was that guy Manipulating Me? Was he that innocent and unaware? Was it a strategy to avoid altercation?